urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018 Tricia Tricia 2004-11-09T22:31:06Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:93038 2004-11-09T22:31:06Z 2004-11-09T22:31:06Z idk what it is ne more... i just cant get over somethings, or when i think i have and yeah... it just all comes right back into my head! its like idk, theres other ppl there, but none are the same where i can be as open or say how i feel... i want to tell u, but i dont know if i shoudl... its maybe things are just best left like this.... i just cant do it! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:92734 2004-08-10T23:01:13Z 2004-08-10T23:01:13Z wow, i havent written in here all summer! well yeah summer has been great, ive met a lot of new ppl so thats really cool, it just sucks that they are all in college and have to go back really soon! but im so glad its gonna be my senior year it should be lots of fun:) yeah... anthony and i totaly done, its all good though... i think we're still friends well like half the time lol! well i gotta go get ready for the night, ill write in here later urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:92526 2004-06-14T21:36:07Z 2004-06-14T21:36:07Z Yeah, everything is totally good, not gonna get into the anthony thing, way to confusing, but in the end... im so in love with him and i always will be, i just wish i wouldnt have been a dumb ass and did some of the dumb shit i did... the other night though, things were real good, it was wierd almost though, like i didnt know how to act, but when he held me in his arms, i just never wanted to leave, damn he's great! why am i so dumb?! but yeah friends, i love em although they can be crazy and confusing! and cg, ahhh i have practice tonight, no fun! so who knows! lyl! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:92372 2004-05-25T21:12:56Z 2004-05-25T21:12:56Z hey, well i havent really written in a while, but things have actually been totally great since spring break... and i just go and do something i dunno if its stupid or not i guess ill have to see... i dont know what i want anymore, i just know i dont want to get hurt again, so we'll see where things go... parents though... ahhh frustrating some times... i just wish id give things a chance... and not be how i am now.... well i have to go get ready for work, how exciting... im glad i didnt work sat or sunday cause of prom or it woulda been like 6 days in a row! oh yeah prom was totally amazing, i love anthony so much, and he was real sweet... but ahhh i still dk! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:91989 2004-05-02T17:21:35Z 2004-05-02T17:21:35Z well yeah everything has been totally good this week, some scary stuff though, but yeah i love everyone... this week will be busy though, i work again today, then tomorrow, then tuesday colorguard, then wed major bio review since final is on thursday, then cg on thursday, then work fri,sat, and sunday! yeah not much fun there.... ahhhh i wanna talk to someone right now! lyl! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:91732 2004-04-24T02:42:05Z 2004-04-24T02:42:05Z Well how i feel sometimes is just totally crazy to me! Idk evven know why i get the way i do, or get emotional. I just thought some things were going to change, but then today it felt like they werent. I know sometimes i gotta give that fricken space, i even read this thing online about it today, and i totally think thats like how he is... i realized though, my life has got to stop revolving around him.... his doesnt revolve around mine, and by me being like this, its not making ne one happy including myself so i just wish i could change it... but some of the thoughts im thinking tonight just need to go away, caue its scaring me and i dont know what to do... i just really wanna talk to anthony, but all night he cant talk... and then he'll prolly call at like 12 or something... ahhh i just needa get stuff out, but i know its not a good night to do that cause he's had a bad night... but this is all jsut gonna come pouring out sooner or later... anad actually im hoping sooner... i just know i needa do it, so im really gonna i think... we'll see!!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:91603 2004-04-21T22:33:11Z 2004-04-21T22:33:11Z Well really a lot has changed since i last wrote ... i went to florida and me and anthony were apart for like 14 days, but it was actually a good break for us, and i think things are starting to look better, im not getting so jelous, and i love him, and yeah i just think evertyings going to be alright, i dont know why i still worry to much, and i really want to talk to him about something, and i think it will help my emotionalness, and not have him think i have bad days everyday... so maybe ill do that when we are together tomorrow... or maybe on the phone later, we'll see! Well i love ya'll! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:91337 2004-04-06T00:46:00Z 2004-04-06T00:46:00Z Yeah, well i dont know... i know its that i miss anthony... but thats not really it... its like he doesnt seem to care, cause he hasnt really called me except the day he got there... i miss him and i need to talk to him, but i cant and ahhh its really frustrating me! I love that boy so much... and yeah im rally sad right now... and everyones just like oh shut up about it... so well forget them... if they felt how i did about someone they'd understand... and yeah im fricken sad... and dont get mad at me for it! that is what is pissing me off... other ppl can be sad.. but because i am over anthony... its like oh shut up! and ahhh im frustrated! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:90991 2004-04-05T02:31:30Z 2004-04-05T02:31:30Z wow. i totally couldnt get my livejournal to work, it was rather frustrating! but yeah... not to much to say... except i worked today, and that was actually rather exciting... cept i didnt work with my favorite person... i just dont understand myself and why i always have to have someone there for me... i think thats whats kinda causing a lil "problem" with things right now! but yeah... i work wed and thur this week, and im kinda mad about thursday cause i leave friday mornin, and i wanted to hang out with ppl, but oh well! but yeah... i think things are overall good right now, and im starting to get happy with the way things are defiitly! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:90708 2004-03-26T22:42:52Z 2004-03-26T22:42:52Z Okay, well it has been quite interesting. It's been very up and down again, and im determined to stop having weeks like that. I decided to give anthony space, and im realy going to try and back off. I know i love him, but we are only in highschool, and i shouldnt be this attached to him. I dont try and know everything, but he thinks i do, it frustrates me that ppl just like to tell me stuff about him... its like i dont need to hear it from you, if he wants to tell me he will. No one tells him stuff with me and im glad, cause damn thats just fricken annoying. I'm glad i dont work with anyone from south... as much as i love south ppl. I think i might go to mukwonago next year though. Idk though... i just think it might help me... i cant stand feeling the way i always do now... i love my boy to death, but when i talked to him today i totally understood where he was coming from i just wish i could feel the same way as he does... he's like im gonna stop taking away your life, cause he thinks he's doing that to me... but the thing is he is whats important to me now... i just dont think i am that much to him... i love him and eerything about him, and i hope that everything can be all good with us. I hope we can cool it and still have a great relatinoship... it will be hard but i know i can do it cause he's the one i love and the only one i want to be with so i will do ne thing to make it work. I'm going to stop hurting myself though... its not fair to me to always be sad... i am a happy fun kinda gal,, and i havent been so much lately, so im gonna change that! Tomorrow i am going with my family to chicago so that shall be tight:) lol... wow... i do take things way to seriously and read way to far into things! gosh let me get over things... he's fricken with me for a reason... i think i'll briefly explain all this to him when hje calls... because if i say this much it will be like whoa... especially after i already went rambling on earlyier! i wish i just wouldnt take everything so damn hard/seriosu! It's just ive been with him for so long i dont know what itd be like to come home and not call him... not be with him... not kiss him... not have him hold me... i think he's wonderin the same thing.. but like more like ohhh i want that... where as me... i just want things to be good. I know he's the one i love... but i think that is what scares him! i think he knows he loves me too, but is only 16 and doesnt want to have to deal with this crazy ass serious relationship! So with as much as i love him... i have to let go a little... cause you know what if i truly love him.. that means i want him to be happy, no matter what that means. and know what i really feel that about him... he's the only one ive ever really loved! it scares me im so serious... but because im scared about it i run to him... which just makes me even more so! well i think im gonna go call and leave him a message about this! I love him! and yeah! peace:) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:90579 2004-03-23T21:07:49Z 2004-03-23T21:07:49Z depressed for no reason and it sucks.... i just want to be happy, and tomorrows by bday but i have a feelin it will be no good either! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:90117 2004-03-22T21:55:27Z 2004-03-22T21:55:27Z yeah... well today i think was mostly good just a rather confusing day... sometims i just dont think i know how ppl feel, and i feel like they are tryin to get away, but if they are why dont they just tell me? i wish i could read minds like that one movie, but im sure id find things out that i dont want to know! then its like i hear about other relationships... and i wish ppl would just see what they have/had and not ruin it over something dumb! I just cant stand that! I love all my friends but they sure need to think sometims, lol.... but yeah! i feel so helpless sometimes... and i dont know what to do right now... im so glad i got my boy and amazin friends:) i luv ya'll! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:90034 2004-03-21T17:25:46Z 2004-03-21T17:25:46Z Okay, well really i know i said everything was perfect, but to be honest i dont know if it is... I really need to change how i am for everything to work. I know he doesnt have time to be with me 24/7. But why does it bother me so much? It doesnt bother me when he hangs out with his boys, or even when girls show up. Idk what it is that does bother me. It's like when he's at home and no time to talk to me, but like i totally understand how it is. Its just like ahhh i have so much time free for him, and there is like none for me. I'm really glad that he is off on my birthday though. He is an amazin boyfriend, and he's never been ne thing but that. But then why do i cry over him sometimes, its like its not even his fault and im fricken crying. I know i dont want a guy that im with all the time, well actually if it were him i would. But its definitly not like i could ever want ne one else, and when we are together its just unexplainable how amazing i feel, and how amazing the look in his eyes are. Its just like i want things to be amazing, and they are... so why do i always have to try and find something bad in things? I used to be such an optimistic person! I want to be that person again, i hate always finding the bad thing in things. or why is it when im a lil upset i wanna go and do something that i just know is going to piss ppl off! then its like my family wanted me to start helping out more at home, and its like i have so much time do to that, so why am i not doing that? Well i am happy because atleast i have been getting one day a weekend with anthony, and one day atleast during the week together. so thats tight. then friends... carla that girl is the best! she's such a great person and so nice to everyone, and i wish she'd realize how amazin she was... and im excited im going to her musical today, with her having a solo, go carla! then there's meghann, i havent hung out with that girl in a while, but she's so fun and nice... i luv her, lol! I really think im gonna try and start hangin out with my friends more again! It's like i have the time for everything now, so what is my problem? I always alawys complained about not having time for everything. I so do, and life could be so balanced out and perfect, i just dont get why i dont take advantage of that. I shouldnt' act like everyone's life's gotta revolve around me... i know there are some things about me i just really needa change or im gonna be screwed, so im workin on it. but im really sorry to everyone ive been a bitch to or talked shit about when it isnt even their fault! hmmm what should i do now, i suppose i could get workin on homework, but im not really in the mood! its really nice out today though, so work shouldnt be so bad, and maybe we'll be busy, maybe ppl will come visit me and buy plants or something! then next saturday, im going down to the mall, somewhere by chicago, so that should be exciting, and i should have money id think since its right after my bday! then thats when the tim mcgraw concert tickets go on sale , so maybe i wont have ne money! lol! then i work w/ a nice girl today, so that should be fun! and nice managers... hmmm i wonder what time the badger game is on tonight!? Do you get good luck balloons for a musical,... or like congradulations, sorry im dumb, so i didnt know! if ne one wants to go w/ me to it let me know! I havent writtin a lot in here like all year, but i think im gonna start again, cause it totaly lets all of my feelings out which is totally exciting lol! It was crazy i was helping anthony with this one sports and nutrition project and how ur gonna change ur health and why u need to etc... but that just madee me realize all the actuall things i need to change in my life like with my personality and my behavior. I think it will take me a while for some of it, but its all good... i just really want to become a better person. I think with all this time i have now im really going to work out an hour a day, im gonna hang out with some of my old friends(if they even want to ne more) and help my family with stuff actually and not be such a selfish person. I think it will help me to not be bored all time, and not feel depressed about things. I mean i think even doing some of this stuff will make me bored sometimes like workin out yippy, lol, but i think once i get in the habbit of it, things will just start getting better and ill feel healthier and stuff. I am really ready for spring break, and then summer! I just defintily need a break from things right now! so im glad im going to florida and getting away from everything... not that its everything i want to get away from, but i think it might help things in the long run. anthony leaves for floriday in less than 2 weeks, and i leave in less then 3! im so happy:) its just like i totally know the person i want to become, and i know its how other ppl want me to be, so why cant i just be that person? maybe ill just fake it for a while till its natural, i tried that once be4 and all my feelings just came crashing out at everyone, it was ridiculous! but gosh, i definitly have to thank anthony for makin me realize things! yesterday at moments it was hard hearin some of the stuff he said, but every bit of it was true, and it was all out of love i could tell... i love the person he is, and how he just knows how to balance everything out... i just love everything about him.... well i think this is all i have to say for now! love ya'll! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:89649 2004-03-21T16:54:21Z 2004-03-21T16:54:21Z Yeah this weekend was pretty darn good, i hadda work friday, but now that ive been working a lto it doesnt really bother me so much. Then i went to carla's well that was a crazy story but yeah it was fun and she did my hair all fancy, cept she just left me in the morning and i was like whoa! but yeah then i came home did a lil cleaning, went to the bank, then went to the mall with my boy and his bro and sis. Then i came home and got ready for our dinner, and that was exciting, but kinda funny! he's just so damn amazing! and we just talked about stuff and made me realize how i need to change and stuff. I just love him... and im excited cause im gonna start to get more hours, then colorguard is gonna start so im not gonna be bored off my ass 24/7 while he's workin, so im excited! oh yeah then wednesday is my bday, so thats exciting:) i hope i get to be with anthony, but i hope my family doesnt mind that i am! Well yeah i couldnt be happier right now, life is just going great! i love ya'll<br />trish urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:89539 2004-03-18T02:47:57Z 2004-03-18T02:47:57Z Okay, things were kinda sucking for a while, but everything just seems to be coming together. Me and anthony are no longer on a break, and god he is the most amazing guy in the world, and im so glad i have him, and that he's always there for me, even when we were on the break, i knew if i needed him, he was still there for me. then tim and kenny coming, wow, that will be a fun time at summerfest! then florida coming, sad cause ill miss my boy, but fun cause ill be in the sun, lol! but yeah wow, i just love him so damn much, and i think my parents are going to let him stay over after we get back, so that shall be tight! and saturday were gonna be together all day, which should be so amazing, i just love when he holds me in his arms, no matter how mad/sad i am even if its with him, when i lay with him it all goes away! gosh he's amazing! and i love him! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:89148 2004-03-07T17:11:59Z 2004-03-07T17:11:59Z well a whole lot has been going on lately, and i dont know how to feel about ne thing. I am still with anthony, but i dont really know how he feels about me anymore. but that boy means everything to me! and i really dont wanna loose him... it just hurts me being sad a lot, i wish i could just be happy with everything! sometimes life is just hard. I never work ne more, cause yeah no one goes to steins when its cold out, but hopefully that will change soon. Wow, i just wish i knew how to feel about everything ,and i sure as heck wish that i felt loved! well i dont know what all to say right now, urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:88889 2004-01-08T03:00:21Z 2004-01-08T03:00:21Z hey!<br />well i havent written in here in forever, so i think its about time i do! yeah now its like the end of 1st semester! so yeah...damn, anthony is calling, ill write later~ urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:88602 2003-09-03T01:54:51Z 2003-09-03T01:54:51Z wELL YEAH! today was the first day of junior year! how fun! lol, it actually really was! i love my classes n everything.. some a lot better then others, i think it might be a lil hard this year, but overall not that bad@! also yeah! i didnt see anthony at all! so thats no fun but ne ways! ill update later! luv ya'll! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:88532 2003-08-07T15:30:49Z 2003-08-07T15:30:49Z Hey!<br />well this summer has been totally amazin! i love anthony, matt, carla! so damn much! and ray, buffy, aran, etc! wow, its just been tons of fun! sometimes kinda stressful and to busy! but oh well! so i just kinda wanna relax! but this weekend im going to tennessee for a family reunion. My parents are actually going to let anthony go, im not sure if he really is, so who knows! but if he doesnt my mom said she'll take us all up to the dells over night sometime, so that'd be totally fun! lol! but yeah anthony is just so amazin, i wish we just wouldnt get so jelous over lil things... but wow:) not much else to say right now! i love ya'll! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:88153 2003-07-15T18:49:23Z 2003-07-15T18:49:23Z blah:( urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:88001 2003-07-12T02:56:07Z 2003-07-12T02:56:07Z WEll yeah, i never realized how much i love that boy! he is totally amazin... and i wish i could just spend more time wit just him, or just hangin out and talkin! like tonight nothin happend at all and that was totally cool! not that oh at times i dont want more to happen, but that was just cool ya know? ahh, well g'night everyone! i luv ya'll! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:87765 2003-07-08T23:04:02Z 2003-07-08T23:04:02Z Well things have been going totally awesome! i luv anthony, carla, matt, megs, ray, buffy... all them all! they are so fricken amazin! thats the only reason my summer has been so good! well i gotta go get ready for carla's right now! so ill write in here later for sure, cuz i havent really in a while1 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:87536 2003-06-30T02:52:14Z 2003-06-30T02:52:14Z ok! well this summer so far! mostly totally awesome, well except for right now, its just sucking! but tennessee was a lot of fun, but i do crap that gets ppl mad at me, and i wish i could take so many things back and make things better but u know i cant do that! i really ahhh.... i feel so bad bout things and i dont know what to do or say, so im just gonna keep my mouth shut, and not talk and just not do shit ne more~! i just get my self in trouble! ahhhhhhhhhhhh urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:87265 2003-06-14T13:23:38Z 2003-06-14T13:23:38Z ok, well im sick of crap! i always get yelled at for dumb things by people that do the exact same thing! the thing that irritates me the most right now are hypocrites! they are dumb! i dont really know how anthony feels right now, and i guess that kinda scares me, i mean i know i done crap that he has a right to be pissed off bout, but has he/ ahh yeah well w/e! im just tryin not to care right now! I mean i feel like oh if its gonna be like this why am i dealin with it, but then i realize oh yeah cuz i really like him duh! ahh.. well i leave for Tennesse like in exactly one week, so hopefully this week be4 then will be tight! hope ya'll are havin a good start to the summer!<br />luv <br />trish urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:trix528018:86815 2003-06-08T03:11:41Z 2003-06-08T03:11:41Z Wow! its amazin how frustrated u can be with someone one min, then just be totally happy! but yeah 2fast2furious!greatmovie~ ahh then went to carla's and ppl were being dumb so i was just gonna go home.... but then im like ahh i dont want ppl mad, and im so glad i didnt go home, cuz boy do i ever luv some ppl:) gnight!